What Do You See?

If you knew me you would know that I look at things very differently than other people. I look at all sides of every story and try to find the least negative way to fix it. I don't like conflict and I choose to by pass it if its the only thing that is available. I don't handle things well. I have a very in depth conversations with whomever the situation is dealt with in my head before actually having it. Thinking before I speak if you would. If I can't see a good outcome then I by pass the conversation altogether. Its hard for me to share and when I do I am trusting in you to understand me the same way that I understand you. Its not easy sharing yourself with someone anymore and not knowing what they will do next will destroy you as you know it or not. I am tired of being destroyed. I am tired of rebuilding all that I am with no one by my side. If you have broken me down in my past and are still apart of my life you have been forgiven but you are not the person that is supposed to be there to help me rebuild. I can do it by myself. Always have been and always can do it over. I can always do me. 

I want to give you my words and my feelings. I want to share everything that I keep from you with you. I want you to know what my heart feels for you on the inside. I want you to know that I am not going anywhere without you. I am not leaving you ever and I will never be who the others were. I am different. I am real. I am here and I am not the one that will hurt you. I'd give anything to show you who I really am. Every part of my being is love. 

I can't love you. Not because I can't, but because it is not my time. I fall in love with what could be. I fall in love with the beautiful what if's. The wonderful smiles and conversations. Believe me when I tell you that I am scared for you to see me in my true light. I am scared when you read my words. I am scared when you read me. I don't know how you will react and I am afraid of the words that may or may not come with your findings. Yes I know that the time of this is in the wrong, but when something feels right what does one do?

Here are my words lain before you. Here I am. What do you see?